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Lolita Or Loki? Comic Book Artist Identifies As Both Female And Male


FAHR: Some days I wake up, and it’s a girl day, and some days I wake up, it’s a boy
day. FAHR: Gender for me is a construct of society, and I think that everybody is born of course
with male or female genitalia but gender identity is completely fluid to me. I am a person.
I think that’s what I define myself as. COMM: Fahr Sindram identifies as gender neutral, and her two extreme personas allow her to
live as both a woman and a man. FAHR: Loki is for me like an escape to hyper-masculinity. FAHR: Lolita on the other hand is, I think, a way
for me to feel pretty. MAN: Wow. Amazing. Just can’t believe that’s the same person. FAHR: Yes, it is. MAN: That’s cool. That’s like the ultimate form of freedom. You can be whoever you want to be. FAHR: Five years ago I just said to myself, “I will not identify with a female gender
anymore.” I had good days where I felt really like a girl, like perfect. And then I had
days where I was like, “I feel like I am an impostor, I feel like I am a man pretending
to be a woman in a dress.” I just know I’m somewhere in the middle. And there are days
when I feel more like a man or more away from female. And where other days I feel more drawn
to look like a woman. WILL: I actually love both. I have no preference between the two. I think most of all I love
Fahr as Fahr. I do feel like I get to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, and that’s
fantastic. COMM: The comic book artist spends an hour each morning deciding on her gender for the
day. And then the painstaking transformation commences. FAHR: When I wear Loki I try to be a little bit like sexy and stuff, and I flirt with
all the girls. When I wear Lolita, I often try to behave like a lady. On Lolita I spent
at least 12,000 and on Loki maybe 7,000. COMM: Fahr has a legion of online followers, but constantly presenting as Loki has taken
its toll in the past. FAHR: I had like a complete breakdown and cut off all my hair, and dyed it purple, and
it was a bad decision because after that I felt like I was not me, not him, not anything.
I mean I am thankful for all the people that like what I do because it’s fun, I really
enjoy it but at the same time I feel like they don’t see me anymore, I am completely
gone; makes me feel horrible. COMM: Fahr has won acclaim as a manga illustrator and an author of children’s books, winning
particular praise for “Losing Neverland” which highlighted the danger of child pornography.
But sometimes she feels her work has been undermined by her online fame. FAHR: I was so angry because like, making comics and books and books for children especially
is really important to me. And there are many children coming to my signings, and I read
to them, and then just imagine, I read to the children, and at the back of the same room
are like Loki fans being like ‘Hey, Loki.’ It was so stressful. COMM: Fahr’s boyfriend Will is understanding of her choices and tries to support her through
her struggles. WILL: Personally I think everyone should be free to be who they are. I am transgender.
I feel a lot better now that I am presenting as male, and living as male everyday but that
is not the case for everyone. I think Fahr is a lot more complicated and has it a lot
more difficult than me actually, because it can change from day to day. So to be going
through that all the time is horrible. COMM: Today Fahr is visiting a gender specialist Dr. Sharon Cowan of the University of Edinburgh. DR. SHARON: Come in. DR. SHARON: Hi. Hi. I am Sharon. FAHR: Hi. I am Fahr. DR. SHARON: Nice to meet you. FAHR: Nice to meet you too. DR. SHARON: Come in and take a seat. FAHR: Thank you. DR. SHARON: So how, when you wake up in the morning, how do you know whether it feels
like a boy day or a girl day, as you said. FAHR: Well it’s like, I get up, and I get a tea, and I brush my teeth, and I have a
good think about it, you know. Like yeah, today I really like them. They are cool. I
will get a bra. Or like no, I have to go away and get my binder. DR. SHARON: The way she expresses her gender identity as being elements of both, and even
in her case like extremes at both ends, is not untypical of gender queer people, but
obviously in the general population is a very unusual way of expressing your gender. There
are not an insignificant number of people who really are uncomfortable with the idea
that gender is a binary, and you must choose one or the other, and Fahr definitely is one
of those people who feels uncomfortable about that. What the research tells us is it is
very difficult for those people to go about their daily lives expressing themselves in
a way that they feel most comfortable because pretty much every aspect of social life asks
you to always choose to be identifiable as one or the other. FAHR: I think there are a few things that maybe surprised her about what I think about
gender and gender questions, but I think in general we agreed on most of the things. I
don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to how I live my life but I surely feel kind
of backed up by how she reacted to me. DR. SHARON: Thank you so much for coming in, it was great to meet you. FAHR: Yeah, that was amazing. DR. SHARON: Really fantastic. FAHR: Am I crazy? DR. SHARON: In a great way. FAHR: Good. I hoped for that. I hoped you wouldn’t say I’m normal. That would be
weird.

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