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Marville #4 – Atop the Fourth Wall

Linkara: If you don’t stop fidgeting,
we’re never gonna get done here. Pollo: I am not fidgeting. My hoverskirt is turned off. Linkara: Oh…hey, everybody, and welcome to
Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Needless to say, the last time we saw each other,
things got a little crazy, so… I took some time off to finally finish
one of Pollo’s three new bodies. Pollo: And it is not the combat one, to my irritation. Linkara: You just want to be able to shoot me whenever you want. Pollo: And what exactly is wrong with that? Linkara: Anyway…transfer complete! How do you feel, dude? Pollo: It is roomier…I’ll say that. It’s going to take a bit of adjustment
for me to get used to. I still don’t have working arms… Linkara: That’s still gonna require more complex design work, and I figured this would do in the meantime. Pollo: You had one job! ONE JOB! Working arms! Why is that so hard? It was even in the blueprints that I had working arms! Linkara: [sigh] Look, I’ve been so busy around here,
I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be reviewing this week… Okay… Uh…Marville #4… Pollo, get the booze! Pollo: I can’t…my arms don’t work… ♪ [“Atop the Fourth Wall” intro] ♪ ♪ Welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall
Where bad comics burn ♪ ♪ Linkara’s gonna teach you all
A lesson you won’t learn ♪ ♪ Brodsky, you’re not the smartest ♪ ♪ Liefeld, you’re not an artist ♪ ♪ Anyone who’s had a bad comic published
It could be your turn ♪ ♪ Linkara! ♪ ♪ He is a man! Punch!
Wears a purdy hat ♪ ♪ Linkara! ♪ ♪ He has a magic gun
Where’d he purchase that? ♪ ♪ Linkara! ♪ ♪ Coins, robots, Amazons and trucks ♪ ♪ Linkara! ♪ ♪ This comic sucks ♪ ♪ Linkara! ♪♪ ♪ [Tonic’s “If You Could Only See” plays] ♪ [groans] [slurred] What did I do with myself last night? This a new morpher? Whatever… Oh… Hey, everybody… Uh…give me a second, here… Marville, you know… When the hell did I get this? Metal… Let us once again enter the scummy, diseased carcass of a comic series that is Marville. Oh, that’s a bit of an exaggeration… I mean, for it to be a carcass,
it would have to have been alive at some point. So I suppose you want a recap
of the previous three issues, right? “But wait, Linkara! Wasn’t it the hologram of you
who reviewed the third issue?” [soft voice] It’s not that big a deal… Just relax… Or…I don’t know…
I reviewed the footage of the third issue. There…got that done. Pollo: It’s not a big deal for you, perhaps… Linkara: Shut up! Previously, on the Marville reviews: Bill Jemas decided that
there was too much joy in the world, and thus attempted to get rid of it by creating a comic that sucks joy in like a vacuum and then incinerates it. In the future, Ted Turner and Jane Fonda
send their son Al back in time to save him from a catastrophe
that actually wasn’t a catastrophe. There, he somehow managed to get rich
by stopping the same criminal over and over. He is joined by a taxi driver named Mickey, and a policewoman named Lucy, both of whom hang out with him
for reasons that are never clear. Lots of people are parodied, but in ways that are not very funny or are just kinda confusing, all in an attempt to be a general spoof of superhero comics. However, in the third issue,
that went right out the window in favor of telling its story with all of the dialogue printed on the sides to make it as difficult as possible to read it. The parody was discarded in favor of a more philosophic approach, and using a time machine, Al decided to go back to creation to meet God– who is actually named Jack,
but he waffles on whether or not he’s God… –during a LOT of questionable science, including depicting grass in the early days of life on Earth, even though from what we can tell, grass only evolved on Earth AFTER the dinosaurs died out. There was a lot of really stupid debate about the nature of God, whether God really existed, and how sucky it is that molecules have to die. MOLECULES! Dear Lord, just thinking about it again
has caused my head to hurt… Look…people were quick to point out that plants really do constitute life forms to a degree, and… …so, fine. I don’t have the answers there. But molecules? Really?! Tell me…do atoms and particles have FEELINGS and I should be sad about the “poor molecules” that had to die every time I get a haircut?! So, where did that leave us? Well, with them deciding to take the time machine to “Jurassic Park”. So you might think that was just a stupid joke… …and it was… But, you see…I’m not convinced that Bill Jemas knows there was such as thing as the “Jurassic PERIOD”. Let’s dig into Marville #4 and I’ll show you. The cover is actually the best of the bunch so far, featuring Mysterious Redhead Cover Lady bashing a velociraptor’s head in with a club. She’s still in a bikini, but as we’ll see in the comic, that’s actually pretty accurate. Less accurate is that it looks like it’s torn from a larger garment, which it isn’t in the book… …it’s just the women in their underwear. Otherwise, women beating up a velociraptor,
I can get behind. So, let’s see how they screwed up their own story in the recap page, shall we? They seem to have finally realized that Al is not in love with Mickey, and never has been. However, they also show the picture of the time machine being sent BACK to Al, when they note that Ted and Jane
sent their son back in time. “At the moment of Creation, Al and his two friends
Lucy and Mickey “meet a young man named Jack
(who may or may not be God). “He takes them on a trip through time so they can witness the emergence of life on Earth.” “And they needed to be naked during this,
or else it just ruins the whole thing.” “But they still can’t figure out if life is random
or created by design…” Aaaand no period at the end of that sentence,
despite all the other sections ending with one. “Throughout evolution, they witness life emerge from death. “Jack tries to explain that all life is a cycle,
but the girls are unconvinced.” Yeah, they’re kind of idiots like that. “Jack decides to take them to Jurassic Park.” “Unfortunately, he didn’t have a Netflix account,
and thus only had access to Jurassic Park II.” We open outside the time machine,
where Al is setting coordinates while Lucy, Jack and Mickey
are sitting and looking bored. I know the feeling. “Jack, how many years ahead
do I set the time machine?” “150 million years BC–Jurassic Park.” Yeah…that’s what I mean. Twice on this page, and once on the recap page, it’s not referred to as the “Jurassic period”,
but “Jurassic Park”. If it’s a joke, it’s not funny. If it’s serious, then Bill Jemas is an even bigger idiot than I thought, and so is his editor. “I can’t set it to a date, I have to set it for some number of years from now–got it?” Well, that’s a stupid user interface for a time machine. How the hell do you set it for a precise day, then?
And we know they’ve done so. “Nope…can’t spend another week
living in another time period, no no… “You get a lazy afternoon,
or else you risk losing time at work.” “So how many years from now is Jurassic Park?” “God knows.” While that is a stupid exchange in and of itself,
it’s actually very indicative of the fact that Bill Jemas doesn’t know what time certain dinosaurs lived, as we’ll soon see. “I know exactly where we are. “We are in exactly the same place
where my house will be. “Get it? We haven’t moved.” Waitwaitwaitwait…so that means that when Ted Turner sent the time machine back to you in issue #2, Mickey’s apartment is located in the same spot
that Ted Turner’s house will be? “I just don’t know when we are.” Just a little pet peeve of mine… I hate it when in a time travel story, the characters ask: “Where are we?” “I think the question is ‘WHEN are we?'” Grr… It’s an annoying cliché. The date of your events can be considered
part of the “where” you are. It’s not clever; it’s irritating. By the way, you may have also noticed that the art style has reverted back to the way it was in the first two issues, and we actually have dialogue balloons again. Some might say that’s a good thing
since we can actually read the damn thing now. I say that’s a terrible thing
because we can actually read the damn thing now. “Al, is your stupid Marvel shirt waterproof?” “It’s not stupid.” One: yes, it is. Two: he hasn’t worn that thing since the first issue,
and he didn’t bring it with him. Why are you asking? Well, the answer is that somehow they manage to stretch Al’s jacket enough– the jacket that he DIDN’T bring with him, I might add… –so that it resembles a garbage bag, scoop up some cells from the water outside, and… Well…here’s Mickey’s plan… “Just set the time machine fast forward–
like 50 million years per hour.” Okay, I think you mean “set it TO fast forward”,
not that a time machine would operate like that… It’s not a frickin’ VCR, even if it is made out of PlayStation and Atari parts. “How do we know when to stop?” “We watch our biological clock.” That is NOT what a “biological clock” is! Freeza (from Dragon Ball Z Abridged):
“God, it’s like you just use words you hear randomly
to try and sound smarter!” “The water is full of the first animal microorganisms.
Let’s watch them evolve.” WHAT?! Behold, our next step into stupid! For you see, the microorganisms are evolving into shellfish as the time machine moves, and eventually they transform
into a fish and an amphibian. I…I don’t…WHAT?! Okay, first of all, why is the time machine affecting things INSIDE of it like this? If it can cause animals inside of it to evolve rapidly,
why aren’t the humans evolving? Hell, how is evolution even occurring at all? “Evolution” is simply a fancy way of saying “adaptation”. If their environment doesn’t change,
why is the thing becoming a complex lifeform like how others of its kind are developing
OUTSIDE the time machine? Evolution is not something “coded” into our DNA! Fish did not have humans inside of them
that they would eventually change into. They were fricking FISH! And don’t tell me it’s because
God is in the time machine too, because shut up. Lucy and Mickey once again argue about mutation and whether this is all because of a plan
or because of random chance. Now, some of you would say this is an interesting theological argument that could be in a comic book. I would say, “Sure,” but remember that this is the guy who thinks “Jurassic Park” is what the period was called, and thinks the way to set the coordinates for the DeLorean is to look at a shellfish and wait for a shellfish to evolve into a dinosaur! Oh, yeah…there’s another evolution screw-up: Individuals do not evolve…
at least not in the sense we’re talking about here. SPECIES evolve over time! NOT A SINGLE BEING! This comic thinks the Star Trek: Voyager episode “Threshold” was scientifically accurate. Oh, what? Don’t know that episode? That’s the episode where a guy goes to infinite speed, and when he stops, he transforms into a lizard because evolution dictates that mammals in the future will become non-sapient lizards. It’s also a top contender for the worst Star Trek episode ever, in case you’re wondering. Not that you were, but that’s because your brains are still trying to catch up with how ASININE this comic is. Oh, yeah…and the evolution of the creature stops when it becomes a duck-billed dinosaur. The exact species name eludes me, but I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to have the kind of teeth that it has here. Also, its name is Snorts, according to Jack. ALSO…it can TALK! “Duckbills have the most elaborate voice boxes
in the history of the planet. “What did you think we do, quack?” I only have one question… How does it know it’s called a duckbill… if DUCKS don’t exist yet?! They exit the time machine and…”Snorts” runs off. Jack proclaiming, “Welcome to the Jurassic Age.” I’ll get back to that in a minute. However, because the dinosaur has run off,
Jack tells them to stay there while he pursues. Congratulations…we have now begun
every Doctor Who plot ever. “What’s the big deal?
Snorts looks like he can fend for himself.” “We should find him–he’s just a baby.” Yeah…a baby with the power to speak fluent English, and know things that it could not possibly know! Al suggests that he ran off to join his family. “Remember, we’re still in the same spot
that we got the water from. “If snorts sprang from the water,
so would more Duckbills– “It just stands to reason.” DBZ Abridged Freeza: “That’s stupid!” “You’re stupid!” “STOP BEING STUPID!” Mickey points out why that’s moronic,
but then again, just remember: microbes that evolved into fish and then into dinosaurs. So it’s a little late to try to bring SENSE into this. Oh, and remember the sequential dumbassery
from issue #2 with that building that appeared behind the characters that wasn’t there in the previous panel? We’ve got that again. Al says not to turn around and just walk slowly with him, and the next panel shows them completely surrounded by hadrosaurids, even though they weren’t there before. Lucy tells them to remain still,
but Mickey decides it’s better to run… even though, as Lucy points out,
the things are herbivores. Moving slowly and away from them
would be the right thing to do, otherwise you’ll startle them and cause a stampede, which–shock of all shocks–it seems to. They climb a tree, reasoning out that they can’t climb… …but then the pattern of ridiculousness continues by having the dinosaurs using tools–in this case, logs… –to wedge the tree into the nearby river and force the three up against a wall. However, before the duckbills can end this nightmare and spare us any more of the comic, Snorts and Jack return, with Snorts telling the other duckbills not to hurt them. “They’re strangers.” “They’re friends. They are part of the tribe.” “Mishbucha.” Okay…get this… “Mishbucha”–and I’m sure I’m mispronouncing that
–is a Hebrew noun that means “family”. That means the duckbills are not only intelligent enough
to use tools and speak… …but they’re JEWISH, too! Are we sure we’re not still in the parody comic? Oh… Uh…you caught me in-between costumes here… We’ll be right back. Uh… Qapla’…or something… We’re back… I’m running out of costumes! And yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s the meaning
of the word they’re going with, since the duckbills then invite the three into the family and Snorts explains that to duckbills,
“you are either family or you are an enemy.” Mickey says that seems a bit primitive–which may seem odd considering they’re, you know, frickin’ dinosaurs… –but given everything else we’ve seen… “Think about it, Mickey–
modern man is pretty much the same.” No, it isn’t! “I’m not going to kill somebody just because they are not part of my family.” “You would eat them too.” “Bull.” “You eat bulls, cows, chickens, pigs, turkeys, not to mention all the plants you kill for crudités.” (CROO-dites) [mumbling] CROO-di-tays?
I don’t know what that means… “I’m talking about humans.” “That’s the point–humans are in your tribe,
so they are the only thing you don’t eat.” Yeaaaah…that’s a load if ever I heard one. It’s a gross oversimplification of human relationships
or even the relationships between animals and humans. Human beings interact with each other
on multiple levels, for different reasons, be that of familial love,
or even just an act of compassion. Likewise, there are people we hate
and want to see dead, or see justice for or even have indifference towards. Do we place the value of human beings
over other forms of life? Yes, but we also don’t want specific harm
to come to other species, either. We’re not assholes. That’s why there are preservation societies
or endangered species lists to begin with. Shock of all shocks, we’re capable of feeling
a wide range of emotions for a wide range of things! “And by the way, Duckbills don’t kill Duckbills.” “What? Don’t tell me that humans kill other humans.” Oh… We’re doing THIS now, huh? We’re doing the “human beings are so awful
because we kill our own people” thing, huh? We’re going into 1950s B-movie
“aliens passing judgment on humanity” thing? Bill Jemas wants to indict our happy little species? Okay, asshole…I’ll play. Sure, humans kill each other… We kill for passion, madness, rage, love, war,
and Lord knows other things… …and yet we’ve got six billion people
running around the planet… …almost as if people who kill other people
are the EXCEPTION, rather than the rule. And don’t tell me animals never kill their own. Animals are frickin’ DICKS to each other, whether it’s the cuckoo bird that kills off another cuckoo bird’s children so that the new one will try to raise them… ant colonies that go to war with one another and enslave other ants into them… or even mountain gorillas who will kill another one
if it wanders into their territory. Dr. Cox: “Should I talk slower, or go get a nurse
who speaks fluent Moron?” In other words, take your self-righteous, moral aggrandizing, holier-than-thou attitude and CHOKE ON IT, along with this comic! So, enough lecturing. Such “profound” wisdom was too much for Lucy,
who just wants to sit and relax for a bit. However, they are suddenly attacked by a group of
what I presume are supposed to be velociraptors. The other duckbills arrive and say they’ll protect them… which makes me wonder why the duckbills can talk
and not the raptors. And by the by, they do refer to them as “raptors”, and we do get an awesome shot of a duckbill
kicking a raptor in the face. Nice! However, some of the raptors manage to get a hold of some of the baby duckbillls…I think, because the coloring seems to swap out
the brown raptors with the green duckbills and makes me wonder what just happened. Lucy says they have to save the kids who were taken, but a duckbill says the kids taken are already dead… making her sad. Awww…it’s a pity this scene
doesn’t make any real sense. Hey, kids! It’s Science Time! Duckbills (or hadrosaurids) were common in the Cretaceous Period, not the Jurassic. The velociraptors seen here are more in common with the ones featured the Jurassic Park movies, but, sorry to tell ya…those were actually inaccurate, altered to more resemble a deinonychus. Now, it’s forgivable that they don’t have feathers because they didn’t get proof of that until 2007, but that’s not the only problem here. Both duckbills and velociraptors did inhabit
the Upper Cretaceous Period, but Jack specifically states that they’re going to the JURASSIC Age, 150 million years ago, not the 80 million years ago
that the two species existed. In addition, Al stated earlier that
the time machine has not moved. They’re still where the house is going to be
in the present. However, unless Al for no reason whatsoever
decided to move to frickin’ MONGOLIA, I don’t think they’re going to find any velociraptors. Why? Because velociraptors
were pretty much found in ASIA. Now, deinonychus remains have been found
in the United States, but they existed in the EARLY Cretaceous Period, NOT the same time as velociraptors and duckbills! What I’m getting at here is that for a comic that’s supposed to be “smart” and being all “intelligent” and “philosophical” and crap, perhaps it’s not best to be schooled
by a fifth grader’s science project. Later that day, and for no reason whatsoever,
everyone is in the water in their underwear. What, NOW they have modesty? Mickey asks Jack why the duckbills are so damn smart
when they have brains the size of a walnut. Good question. Here’s a stupid answer… “Duckbills use all of their brains. “You only use 10% of yours.” “Of course. Don’t you know anything about SCIENCE?” Ohoho…spreading THAT old chestnut, eh? Yeah…for those of you who don’t know,
the “we only use 10% of our brain” thing? That’s a MYTH. In fact, human beings use
pretty much ALL of their brain, and most of the time it’s awake,
every part of it is really damn active. Want some more spoonfed nonsense? “The other 90% has yet to be programmed.” “Programmed?” “Well, not technically–I should have said
coded into your DNA. “But it is like computers in that it doesn’t have an operating system yet, so it can’t run any software.” Crow: “It’s like we’re smart, but we’re not!” [giggle] “Our brains developed way in advance
of our ability and need to use them.” “That’s impossible–that’s not how evolution works. “The only genetic changes that persist
are those that help you survive in the present.” “No, and the fish feet prove it.” What they’re referring to
is something I skipped over earlier… Seeing fish who developed arms and legs several million years before they actually went out onto land. I don’t have the answer to why that is,
but it’s probably not what Jack says here. “Listen, it would be a disaster
if humans used all of their brains– “Einstein got 20% more and he accidentally drew
the roadmap that led to nuclear weaponry.” Aside from the previously disproven 10% bullcrap, Einstein wasn’t the only one
working on nuclear weapons. Someone would have figured it out. And you’re kind of undermining your own argument
because Einstein was a good guy, implying that if EVERYBODY had access to that kind of mental capacity, none of us would be assholes! “Okay, what is God waiting for?” “For scientists to realize
that they should do things on purpose.” Dr. Linksano: ON PURPOSE? Hey…how about I test and see how FLAMMABLE
the comic is “on purpose”? Bah! They spot a sea mammal, and for no reason at all, decide to check it out. discovering that its children are the next generation
of a mutated species. “Otter?” “Yes, the pop is an otter and so are the pups.” By this point you probably shouldn’t be surprised, but sea otters only go back about five million years or so. How is it that Power Rangers features gravity and breathable air on the moon, and yet I trust the science of THAT show
more than this comic? Anyway, Jack points out that creatures like the otters will survive the asteroid that’s coming within the next hundred years or so
that’ll wipe out the dinosaurs. Al is upset because apparently he didn’t know that the dinosaurs would become extinct… …because if the previous issues weren’t an indication,
Al is kind of a moron. “You must do something.” “I can’t stop an asteroid.” Capt. Kirk: “What does God need with a starship?” “God should do something!” “We should DO something!” “Should we do something?” “We should DO something!” “Should we DO something?” Snorts is naturally bummed that, you know, his entire species is gonna get wiped out, and wants God to give them an evolutionary advantage that will help them survive. But Jack says the dinosaurs just don’t have the spines that mammals do. SERIOUSLY. “These mammals have very powerful and advanced little furnaces in their rib cages. “To stabilize those organs, their spine movement must be minimal, and it’s all in one direction.” “I understand–dinos can’t be warm-blooded,
because of our skeletal structure. “It would take a thousand generations to change that and a thousand more to develop a warm-blooded metabolism. Bill Jemas… You make science CRY. News flash…body temperature, and whether an animal is cold- or warm-blooded, has nothing to do with the spine,
or in fact, with bone structures at all! Bill Jemas, you are a GODDAMN IDIOT, plain and simple! Okay…they decide to bring an otter with them who will act as their new “biological clock” whose evolution will dictate how far ahead
they need to go. Mickey wants them to do it slowly
so they can see what happens when the asteroid hits. “The destruction of 99% life on Earth.
I vote for fast forward.” “I hear you, Al, but I want to see what happens.” “Not going to take my word for it?” “Jack, I’m not so sure YOU even exist.” Mike Nelson: “I am Nimrod from the future.” As they watch the animals die off– and apparently the asteroid was within spitting distance of the time machine; don’t ask me how it’s protected from the effects of everything around them… –Al decides to speed up since he can’t stand to watch everything die off. The land becomes covered in ice. “What’s going on in the ocean?
What about those huge dinos that lived in water? “What were they called–Pterosaurs?” [ding-dong] So mammals and fish survive, with sea mammals
evolving into dolphins and porpoises. “Yeah, I can see how their spines move. “Sea mammals evolved from land mammals,
not from fish.” Mike, Tom Servo, and Crow: “Shut up!” As small horses begin to evolve,
Mickey, Lucy and Jack are pleased. Al, however, is Captain Frownypants. “I can’t dismiss the horror of it all. “Those wonderful, smart, happy dinos.
They are all dead and gone forever.” “Wanting things to live forever…
A common desire of non-insane people.” “Al, if you could only see things the way God does…” [deep voice] ♪ If you could only see the way he loves you
Then maybe you would understand ♪ “…you know that they are still alive, because we keep their memories alive within us– “within the community of living things.” “Yoda–I mean, Snorts will always be with you.” “So Jurassic Park wasn’t just a movie, it was a tribute.” No, dumbass! It was a movie! Or do you mean Jurassic Park, as in the Jurassic Period that you guys keep screwing– Oh, just shut up! “Right, and the paleontologists
are ancestor worshipers.” OH, DEAR GOD, SHUT UP!! “Could you be more annoying?” I didn’t think so, but then Marville
found whole new ways to do it! Mickey still thinks everything’s random, while Lucy argues the “fish feet” theory of everything waiting to be programmed. “That’s like Hamlet.” I think it’s more like Macbeth… “A tale told by an idiot.
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” “Do you believe a million monkeys with
a million typewriters could type Hamlet?” The Funk & Wagnalls does that have to do with anything?! “Sure, give them a million years.” “Okay, then could they type out the genetic code
to create Shakespeare? “That’s only 100 million times more complex.” I… I have no idea what they’re doing anymore! The monkeys, and the typewriters, and… I’m just gonna play the Simpsons clip. Mr. Burns: “‘It was the best of times,
it was the BLURST of times’?!” “You stupid monkey!” [monkey crying] Jack interrupts and says it’s time for their next stop: seeing the origin of the first human being. Also, the time machine must really be a TARDIS
considering how much room they seem to have in it. “How do you know it’s time?” “He checked out our biological clock.” I think Al’s BRAIN is checked out. Seriously…look at this artwork of his face. Austin Powers: “Oh, no…I’ve gone cross-eyed.” And so our comic ends with the four looking at the otter, though we don’t get to see what it is
aside from a speech balloon. “Check this out, bub.
I’m about to make my first appearance.” Thaaat’s right!
They’re implying that Wolverine is now with them! THIS COMIC… AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH! JUST…AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH!!! Linkara: And hey! I’ve also finished up
Pollo’s ground body! Pollo: A-R-M-S! You could give me a thousand laser guns
and all I would want is functioning arms! Just give me some arms and I’ll be happy! I’ll shut up about wanting arms!

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100 thoughts on “Marville #4 – Atop the Fourth Wall

  1. I once had a guy tell me that Seals evolved when dogs came into the water and that dogs were more closely related to seals than wolves. That almost approaches Marville's idiocy levels concerning evolution.

  2. If people pointing out inconsistencies bothers you then maybe having stories in there wasn't such a good idea.

  3. 26:11
    Is that a reference to the first issue?
    As Ted Turner chopped an asteroid to pieces,given it was a small one, but still.
    Does that mean Bill believes Ted Turner is stronger than God?
    This comic makes logic, science, religion, etc. sit in the corner and cry! CRY!!!!!!!!!

  4. 27:36 Right. So… No. The Cretaceous-Tertiary Extinction, which is ostensibly the extinction event being discussed here, not only still has a little under 100 million years to go before it happens if, as the comic says, this is 150 million years ago, but at no point in the Earth's history has 99% of life on Earth died out. The Permian-Triassic comes close with a whopping 96% of all life on Earth dying, but the Cretaceous-Tertiary, which is APPARENTLY what this is, had a loss of 76% of life on Earth.

  5. Gods I always hated things like this where people moralize about things that are obviously, and demonstrably wrong. Like "only humans go to war". Never seen two packs of dogs fighting over territory? What do you think that is? Never seen Deer fighting one another over the rights to breed?

    Heck I don't like it when people do it to humans either. Like the very common things like "Native Americans didn't have concepts of property and ownership" or "Native Americans all lived in harmony with nature and never did anything to harm it" or "Native Americans were peaceful and never went to war".

    I don't think humans are "Special" in terms of life. I mean they're not special in that somehow we'll have different instincts, different natural behaviors, etc. Different perhaps, due to different biochemistry and different life styles. Nor do I think that any group of people is morally inferior or morally superior.

    But people like this? They LOVE that concept. It is a door to peddle their woo and seem "Deep".

  6. I'm so glad Linkara's clever thinking and good writing balances out the unimaginable stupidity of this series.

  7. urrrgh… this comic and its portrayal of science…

    First of all: These dinosaurs look rubbery and ugly as hell – no dinosaur of some dignity would have moved like that.
    Second: Even though it's a very old and (even by the 90's) widely accepted theory, we won't talk about how dinosaurs are related to birds.
    Third: Though the position of the spine and the whole macrostructure of the thorax has SOME influence on the metabolism, it didn't prevent dinosaurs from being highly active and too some degree being warm-blooded.
    Fourth: The teeth of duckbills were NOT on the bill, they set in two parallel lines on the regular mandibles, behind fleshy cheeks.

    There are several easily accessible sources on dinosaurs (Horner, Bakker, or even David Norman), and Jemas couldn't be bothered to study any of them… probably didn't think ahead…

  8. Well the way a brain works is more complicated than what you describe, it's more like using appliances in your home, you only use certain parts when needed. And usually, the only time all of your brain is active is when you're having a seizure. I'm no expert so don't quote me on that. Also, if anyone is wondering where the "10% brain power" thing comes from, it's from a book from the 50s that explained that in a person's total life time, they'll only use ten percent of their total mental CAPACITY i.e. they won't usually try to learn more than they want.

  9. Jurassic Park is a movie, not a time period! Dinosaurs have been on Earth from the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous! As a dinosaur expert and lover, this comic and author gives the finger to creationism and science!

  10. This entire comic series can be summed up by that Dr. Cox clip you used.
    “Should I talk slower or go get a nurse who speaks fluent MORON.”

  11. Congratulations Marvel! U found a new and agonizingly painful way to eliminate brain cells!! By reading this comic…………..

  12. The assertion that human beings are the only creatures on this planet that will kill their own really offends me. Like Linkara said, animals are dicks to eachother, whether it's fighting over mates, land, food, or supremacy. Huh. Kinda like humans. Who knew.

  13. I can only assume when he was talking about aquatic dinosaurs he meant a Plesiosaur and used the first P that came to mind…like when you want to talk about Tigers and say Tapirs instead

  14. 3:45 "It's not that big a deal, just relax!"
    I'M A YOUTUBE COMMENTER, I SHALL NEVER RELAX!! No matter how irrelevant and minuscule your plotholes shall be I must use their existence to validate myself through increasingly incoherent snark!!

    Oh wow, I was kidding, why am I crying now?

  15. Wow even I guy like me who doesn't know much about dinosaurs and the Jurassic period, but even I KNOW that raptors were discovered in another country and they look different than the ones In The movie.

  16. Ya know Wikipedia was a thing in 02. As were ya know libraries and books. All of these are things I’m convinced the creator of this comic doesn’t know exist.

  17. "Crudites" is a french word that means veggies served uncooked as appetizers and side dishes, usually with dip, like celeri and carrot sticks.

  18. As someone with an interest in paleontology, I can sympathize with his frustration in this comic's depiction of dinosaurs, and his summary at the end.

  19. This comic is basically that episode of Arthur, where DW makes stuff up, claims it as facts, and asks people the prove her wrong. The difference here is DW's in preschool and isn't causing any real harm, but Bill Jamas is a grown man who sold this comic and his bull spit for money and called it 'FACTSSSSSS'.

  20. Michbucha?! I listen to Louis on a daily basis, and know his Hebrew pronunciation can use some work (still better than most Americans), but it took me a few times to get what Bill was referring to here. The word it written wrong and in slang, as if to to make it more confusing.
    The word referred here is actually "Mishpacha", which, as Louis said, means family in Hebrew.
    "Mishpucha" is in Hebrew slang. It's kinda like referring to one's family as "the fam".
    "Mishbucha" is a word made up by a man who knows nothing about my language and thinks using it makes him sound mystical or worse, tribal.

  21. Here's a fun one I haven't seen in the comments yet: chordates, or animals with spines, predate the evolution of dinosaurs. Dinosaurs themselves were largely either diapsids or synapsids. Mammals are therapsids, which fall under the category of synapsids, and there are also extant diapsids, such as crocodiles, lizards, and modern birds. Of the therapsids, only mammals survived the Triassic-Jurassic extinction, and most non-therapsid synapsids died out in the Permian-Triassic extinction. However, duck-billed dinosaurs lived from the late Jurassic period to the early Cretaceous, meaning they outlasted both major extinctions listed above and appeared to have spines similar to plenty of things alive today. In other words, spines had nothing to do with why they went extinct.

    I'm starting to think that Bill Jemas was somehow beaten up and picked on by his school's science club and wrote this as revenge. After all, how else would you explain something whose tolerability is inversely proportional to the scientific knowledge of the reader?

  22. Okay…I know there's a lot of bullcrap to sort through, and everyone has touched on something…but I got one more thing to point out about this comic. They say that the asteroid is going to wipe out "99% of life on earth". Since, despite their insistence that they're in the Jurassic period we can assume this is the KT event and…well…no. The Cretaceous-Paleogene Extinction event did not wipe out 99% of all life, best estimates put it way closer to 75%. There has been no mass extinction that has left only 1% of life left. The closest was the Great Dying or the Permian-Triassic extinction which wiped out about 90% of life…and occurred about 200 million years before hand.

  23. Who's to say monkeys didn't write Hamlet. Makes about as much sense as other theories about it authorship and that of other Shakespeare plays.

  24. Even before we had direct evidence of feathers on Velociraptor and Deinonychus, we could infer that they had them from what we knew of their relatives.

    Also, fish with limbs that don't go on land can still crawl on the bottom
    Of the water.

  25. I now refuse to believe that this man, Bill Jemas, was able to graduate from Middle School. Because if he did SOMEONE DESERVES TO BE FIRED FOR NOT DOING THEIR FUCKING JOB.

  26. So there is no Internet pseudoscience nonsense myth that Jemas DOESN’T believe in. I bet he’s also an anti-vaxxer and a Flat Earther.

  27. I just thought of something really disturbing. Is the cover of issue #1 a Matthew Shepard reference? It just struck me when I saw all the covers, it was the only one with a male central figure, and I just noticed, shirtless guy, tied to a fence… If it is, kind of bad taste there.

  28. My only conclusion is that top comics executives had access to some really potent drugs back in 2002.

  29. "Fish did not have humans inside of them that they would eventually change into. THEY WERE FRIGGIN FISH!!!

  30. I would have assumed Bill Jemas remembered that bit in Cosmos where there's the line animation showing the history of life on Earth and he thinks that's how evolution works. But once again, I think that's giving him way too much credit.

  31. 7:23 I hate to take this off-topic, but an easy way to tell when someone doesn't believe in evolution is when they characterize it as "random" or anything similar. It's a classic strawman built by people who either don't understand or don't want to understand how it works.

    Evolution is the FARTHEST thing from random. It's not as though humans were somehow "destined" to lose their tails over millions of years, or bears were "supposed" to develop fur coats. The bears that could insulate themselves survived and bred, and that's why they're still around. Fuck, one of the characters actually SAYS something like later in the issue, and then gets shot down for it!

  32. Um… Yeah give me a second

    I just called my doctor. He told me to stop watching marvil before my brain reverts to primordial oose.

    I told him that's not how evolition (or in this case de evolution) works

    He told me that, neather does the science in marvil, and yet the writer believes it

  33. Dinosaur Train was more scientifically accurate than this. And that was a preschool show, not a comic written by a GROWN ADULT who probably flunked biology back in the 8th grade.

  34. Linkara, I like you but why did you have to bring Tonic into this? "If you can only see" is a classic.

  35. Marville might be the worst comic you ever had in this show, but reviewing it with a hangover does not help either.

  36. 28:17 -_-
    Pterosaurs are flying reptiles.
    The reptile your thinking about is probably a Mosasaur.
    The sad thing here?

  37. Funnily enough, the onwards march of science has proven something in this comic correct. While true otters didn't appear until the Miocene, there was a Late Cretaceous mammal called Didelphodon that looked fairly similar and occupied the same basic niche.

    That doesn't excuse the rest of this trash, but Jemas was accidentally right about that one thing.

  38. One small mistake you made about land mammals going back to the seas. We have evidence that land mammals can go back into the seas and fill that niche. It's why whales still have a pelvis despite not having legs. Evolution is weird.

  39. 33:19 ok, so a few notes: if the organisms can evolve through time, why aren’t our protagonists evolving or de-evolving by using the time machine?
    Second, wouldn’t it be simpler to leave the organisms in the pool and watch them evolve in a safe distance?

  40. Look Linkara. Bill Jemas is right. Animals are better than humans. Because the animals didn't produce Countdown and Marville. And thus humanity is the ultimate evil.

  41. 27:37 Actually, there's yet ANOTHER misstep in science here (I know, big shock, but still): technically speaking only roughly 50% of all life on Earth was destroyed, not 99%.

  42. 26:50 – Hey Jemas, guess what? Dinosaurs CAN be warm-blooded, and it did take them generations to change to do so. In fact, by 150 million years ago, they already had: THEY'RE CALLED BIRDS!!!
    27:39 – Um, yeah, the K-Pg event (aka the K-T event) is thought to have killed off about 70-80% of life on Earth. If he was talking about the Permian-Triassic event – well, there's a reason it's also called, "The Great Dying."

  43. 28:32 While I agree that this book sucks, there is some evidence that sea mammals evolved from land mammals based on analysis of vestigial structures found in whales does point to having ancestors on land.

  44. Poor Dromeosaurus and Saurornitholestes,. Since they're not at as cool-sounding as Velociraptor and have never had films featuring them, they're pretty much ignored.

  45. It is incredible how moronic bill jemas must be to think evolution works like this! The idea of evolution is subtle differences in multiple generations over billions of years!

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