Starter Squad – Episodes 1-8

Come on, kid! Pick me! I breathe fire! That’s a lie. He only knows scratch. MY EYES! AUGGHH! AAAHHUUH!!! Hey! Hey kid! Ddeeuh- Check out what I can do! Gyyahh! Ehh? Ehhhhh? Yeah, no one cares. Look at your options, kid! Which one of us is gonna win a battle? What’s this guy gonna do? Squirt water? Yeah. Great. That’s- that’s useful. IT HURTS SO MUCH! AAUHAGH! And then there’s this…thing. I don’t even know what it is. Some kind of vegetable, I guess? How do I put them back in? And then there’s the walking flamethrower. Which one do you bring to a battle? The choice is obvious. Don’t listen to him! The first gym is rock type. You’ll get killed if you pick Charmander. I, on the other hand, double as a flotation device in the event of an emergency. Wow. That has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard you say. Hey what!? Now that’s more like it! Have fun sitting in the lab for the rest of your lives, suckers! [DOOR CLOSES] DAW COME ON! Dyuh- I can’t believe this… Uh, hey, man, could you, uh, help me out over here? I-…I really don’t know what to do with these. AHH! AAAHHH! Hoh! You want a piece a’ me!? You want a piece of this!? You’re goin’ down! Yeah! How do you like me now!? How do you like me AAuGHhhuuoOHH! Uh..Charmander…I think we should turn back… No! We need to train. If we don’t train, we don’t evolve. And I need to evolve. Yeah, no, I get that. It’s just… This place looks really dangerous… Oh come on! What’s the worst that can happen? [BATTLE MUSIC] You guys have a lot of nerve walkin’ around
on that …that grass…. …i- in broad daylight! TAKE THIS! Yeah! Now you can attack. Uuuaaahh!! That was pretty good. But now it’s my turn to attack! UUAAAHHH!!! Hey! What’re you doing? OW!! Aah! Augh! Ugh! Oyah! Charmander, you’re supposed to take turns
attacking! Screw that! This is a fight! Uauagh! And I wanna win! Now hand me that shiv over there. But Charmander-! HAND ME THE SHIV! No! Okay wait! You guys win! I surrender! Caterpie fainted! CATERPIE FAIN- Well…that…was just horrifying. And a waste of time. I barely got any XP. Well, look at the bright side. At least I got this cool new hat. Woah, that is a cool hat! Can I see that for a second? Hhhmmphhh! Now you have NOTHING! Aw man… [sigh] I wonder if Squirtle’s having this much trouble. Look…I don’t wanna come off as rude, but… I get the feeling you only keep me around to fight your battles for you. I mean…where’s the love in this relationship? [sigh] Okay, fine. [ROAR] Prepare to die! [CHOMP] [muffled screams] Dude, do you even know where we’re going? Shut it, Brussels sprout! We’re exploring. It doesn’t matter where we’re going. I mean, I could really go for a potion or
something. I could really go for you not talking to me
anymore. Hey, there’s some people over there! Let’s ask them for directions! Ugh, fine, whatever. ‘Scuse me, mam, but my friend and I are lost
and- Humaaaan! Human human human human! Human! Human human human! Human human human human! [Humans continue saying “human”] Huh, I guess they all talk like that. Aaugh….that is really annoying! How could anyone stand listening to that? I don’t know. Wait, look! Look! It’s that kid from the lab! What!? That piece of- What is he doing!? [running into wall sounds] That’s…huh… Now I’m kind of glad he didn’t choose me. Well I’m kind of still pissed off! Well well! If it isn’t Mr. I-hate-making-good-decisions. You have a lot of nerve showing your face in the same area that I happen to be in. Oh ho no. It’s not gonna be that easy. This time you’re gonna have to earn it. [BATTLE MUSIC] Bring it! Oh God… What fresh hell awaits me this ti- ? Oh ho ho! Look who it is! You ready to die, Squirt-hole? Hah. HAH! I don’t think you quite understand the type disadvantage you’re at right now. I don’t think you understand how much you
suck. Oh I’m gonna enjoy this. Oh come on! That never works! Why didn’t you teach me any other moves!? AAAHHHHUUH!!! Oh God! Oh God put me back in! Come on! Why are you just standing there!? You’re the worst trainer in the world! Wow Charmander, you’re getting really strong. Ugh, please don’t talk to me. [muffled] Ooo, it’s kinda cozy in here. What!? Woah, wait a minute. I don’t think this is such a good idea. DEAR LORD!!! IT’S SO PAINFUL!!! WHY IS THIS A THING!?!?! Is that really all you’ve got? You don’t have enough badges to train me! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Oaoaaoohhhh…. Get up! Muuuhhhh….. Hey…what happened to the kid? I killed him. He was useless to us anyway. [gasp] At last… I’m free! I’m finally free! Not quite. The way I see it, I own your Pokeballs now. And that makes me your new Pokemon trainer! What!? You can’t do that! I’m kind of totally doing it. And I’m gonna be a better trainer than he
could ever be. Well he did set a pretty low bar for that. Shut up. Don’t you see? We don’t need those filthy humans and their gibberish language. We have me! And I’m awesome. If we train together, we can be the very best! Like no one ever was! I’m into it! Don’t care, you don’t have a choice. Now come on! There’s no time to waste. Let’s get moving. I’ve got a good feeling about this! I don’t know how to feel anything anymore. [bird screech] Oof! Yes! I got one! Tonight, we feast. Aw gross! I’m not eating that! Well we have to eat something! And I’m sure as hell not eating any more of those cubes. Yeah, I don’t know why that guy thought these
were food. But we can’t eat a Pokemon! Isn’t that cannibalism or something? Probably. The only reason I don’t eat Bulbasaur is because he tastes like old spinach. Hey, that’s not true! I’m delicious! [lick] Ooooooh~! Squirtle, you need to understand something. This is the wild! If you wanna survive out here, you gotta learn to toughen up! UUuuughhh…. Well you might not be above eating insects, but some of us have standards! Right, Bulbasaur? [sigh] What? I think they look cool. Haaah, screw it. I’m gonna go look for berries or something. Suit yourself. More for us! You think they look cool, right Charmander? Shut up, Bulbasaur! Seriously. Every time you talk, I can feel the intelligence draining from
my skull. [offscreen] ATTAAAAACK!!! [everyone screaming] [indistinct, murderous chatter] Uuuugh…uuuhhh… Hey, you’re awake! What’s going on? I’ve been waiting for this moment for quite some time, Lizard! It’s high time I got the closure I deserve! Uh…am I supposed to know you or something? [angry outbursts from crowd] Perhaps THIS might refresh your memory! Hey, you found my hat! What!? This isn’t a hat you psychopath! It’s Pablo! He was my brother… And you killed him in cold blood! [FLASHBACK] Okay wait! You guys win! I surrender! Caterpie fainted! CATERPIE FAIN- [END FLASHBACK] Well technically it was self defense. Silence your tongue, demon! Our leader is speaking! UuuuWwwwAAAaaaaAAAHH!! Alright, worms! Here’s what’s gonna happen: First, you’re gonna let us down. Then, you’re gon- [muffled sounds] Oh thank God someone finally shut him up. For too long our kind has suffered at the hands of your reckless cruelty! Justice will be served! [everyone] JUSTICE! What’re you gonna do to us? The lizard demon will be killed and dismembered. Then we shall wear his body parts as accessories to attract mates. I hope I get an arm! I’m gonna wear his tail on my tail so I look slightly longer. Well that actually sounds kind of neat. You will be kept alive. And our people will feast on your succulent bulb for generations to come! [everyone] MMmmmm! Aw man… I knew I was too delicious for my own good. [Squirtle humming] [in background] Tonight the lizard dies! The time has come brothers! Oh crap! Our retribution is at hand! [everyone] REVENGE! Kill the demon! Welp…sucks for them! Don’t worry, Charmander! I’m sure Squirtle will save us. [muffled disagreement] What? He wouldn’t abandon us! Plus, you’re his trainer, so technically he has to protect you. It’s the rule. Oh come on! Ugh, but there’s so many of ’em. [Charmander’s voice] If you wanna survive
out here, you gotta learn to toughen up! [sigh] Well, here goes nothin’. Lower the Lizard! We’ll start with his head! [Squirtle shouting] Woah- WAAAAAAHHHH!!! AAAaaaahhh!! [growling] Uh oh. [firey explosion] [screaming] RETREAT! Oooh, that was a close one, huh? This is perfect! We have enemies now! What!? That means they’ll want to fight us! And when we win, we’ll get more XP! Well yeah, but what if- Squirtle! Ooouuuhh…. Squirtle, that was amazing! Huh? You took out so many of them at once! That shell move is perfect! Keep that up and we’ll be evolving in no time! Huh. Yeah! I was pretty amazing, wasn’t I? Let’s do it again! Well, I might be able to- woah! AAAAAaaaaaaahhhh! Awesome! You may have won this time, Lizard! But I swear on my life… One day, I will have my revenge! [bird screech] WWWAAAAAAAAAAaaaaahhh!!! Ugh, alright! We’re doing it one more time! Bulbasaur! Use Vine Whip! [wet slapping sound] Eeewww! Why’s it so wet? Sorry, I’ve been chewing on it a lot. No! Don’t apologize! Aaauugh! Bulbasaur, if you wanna evolve, you need to be less terrible at everything. Sorry man, I’m tryin’ my best. Well I don’t believe you. Maybe he needs to be watered or something. Maybe you need to shut your face. [offscreen] Human! Human human! Oh great. Alright, guys. I hope you’re ready for this. Ha ha- Alright, let’s- Oh come on Gavin! Pre-volves? Guh- Du- Thi- This is not cool! I’m almost level 35! Dear Lord! What is that thing!? It’s hideous! Charmander, that’s not a very nice thing to
say! Well that’s not a very nice thing to see! Looks like a potato wearing a dress. I don’t know, I think it looks pretty. Nevermind. I’m good. Let’s kill ’em. Guess again, tater tot! Squirtle! I choose you! What? Aaaaaaah! Ouhh!! Heh heh. Heh. Uh… Hi. Human human! [punching sound] Waaauuuuuughhhh! Well I can’t say I didn’t expect that. It’s up to you, Bulbasaur! Go get ’em! Uh…okay… I- I guess I have to attack you now… So…uh… Hmmph! Mmph! Hmm! Yeah! This is an attack! Right? Are you feeling attacked? I-…[sigh] I uh- I don’t understand. W-what is this supposed to be? I’m confused. Human hu! You know what, it doesn’t even matter! ‘Cause I’m about to… Wha-! Come on! Really? [sigh] Okay…. [sigh] I guess you know what you’re doin’. Is it working? Am I doing it right? Wow, I am really strong! Okay, this is stupid. Step aside. Ow! Ho ho! Now we’re talkin’! Human hu! Alright, let’s- Heeeey! You can’t attack twice in one turn! What is this, amateur hour? Eeuuugh… Did something happen to you? There’s no way your face was meant to look
like that. Oooh ho ho ho ho hoooh! Wow! You are sooo funny! WOW! I’m gonna punch you in the face now! Try punching this! Blaagh!! Human human! Huurgh-AAAHH!!! RRREERERERERERERERERERERERERERERRRRrrrrr DddddOOOIIIUHHH! [catching breath] Aw crap. Is he dead? Nah, just fainted. Aegh…it’s a shame. We coulda’ used him on our team. Human human! Lucky you! Uuuggghhh… What the-? Oh hey, uh, good morning. What is all this? I covered you in sticks, because, you know… I figured that’s what you do with a campfire,
and you’re- I dunno. Uh, looking at it now it pretty dumb logic. Where’s Bulbasaur? The human took him. What!? Eh- He can’t do that! I told you Pokemon can’t be trainers. Eah, you tell me a lot of things, none of
them matter. Now come on! We’re going back for him. Oh and what are we gonna do? Attack them head on? Uhuh, that’s an order, Squirtle. You’re just gonna get killed again. Move! No! I’m tired of this! Dduh-! I AM YOUR TRAINER. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME. BULBASAUR IS MY PROPERTY. AND WE ARE GOING BACK TO GET HIM. And why should listen to you, huh? What are you gonna do, hit me? Yes. Ooouhhh! What makes you think you’re qualified to train
us? Huh? You have no idea what you’re doing! Excuse me!? I am the- The what? Strongest? Most “experienced”? It takes more than that to lead, FIRE FACE! All you do is use force to get your way! And you don’t know ANYTHING ELSE! Bulbasaur’s with a REAL trainer now! And I’m happy for him because he’s on a TEAM. Not a dictatorship. Yeah, that’s not very effective. Jeez! At least learn the basics. Squirtle… [sigh] Okay, fine. You’re right. I hate to admit it, I really do. But you’re right. I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’m- I’m sorry. [level up sound] But I refuse to submit to the humans! We’re both better than that and you know it! And we can’t beat them unless we stick together! So I’m asking you. Not as your trainer, but as your partner. Help me get our friend back! Okay. But if we’re going up against that punch monster, we’re gonna need a better strategy. What did you have in mind? [offscreen] Hey sweatpants! Look over here! A wild Squirtle appeared! Ugh, you again? Are you guys that desperate to get captured? Yeah, sure. I love doing whatever you said. CHARMANDER NOW!!! Huuh. W-wait! N-no! No! NO! NO!!! [PAINFUL AND GLITCHED SCREAMING] HUMAAAN!!! [sounds of human struggle] Yeah, that’s right! Run away! What are you without your slaves!? Charmander? Oh no! Did you kill Gaven!? The kid? Nah, he got away. But I’ll kill him next time if you want. No, that’s okay. Gaven’s actually pretty cool! He taught me how to do this! [WHIP CRACK] Aw sweet! We gotta test them out some more! Ooh, by the way, I have something for you! [gasp] YAY! I missed you, hat! Good to have you back, veggie burger! Come on, let’s go kill us some dinner! I wonder what happened to the punching guy. Oh, I’m sure it doesn’t matter. Hello? Is anyone there? Hello? 00100011 Huh? What the…? 00100011 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110011
01101001 01101110 01100111 [sounds of panic] UuuhhhhhAAAAAAAAaaaAA!!!! AAAA01000001AAAA01000001 01000001HHHH HHH01001000
01001000 01001000HH 01001000 01001000 01001000 01001000 00100001 00100001 00100001 [rustling sounds] YOU! You’ve got a lot of nerve coming in here! I’m well aware. But these are desperate times. What do you want? This is the Lizard. He’s been ruthlessly slaughtering my kin. If he isn’t stopped, he’ll devour us all. I need you to kill him. HA HA HA ha ha ha ha ha ha HAAA! And what makes you think I would help you? Because if you do, I’ll cut you down from
there. Very well, I accept your proposal. The Lizard shall rue the day he decided to cross the likes of Yiiee! Uuugh! I keep missing! Well hey, if you never missed you wouldn’t enjoy it as much when you finally hit something. Is that supposed to make me feel better? SNEAK ATTAAAAAACK!!! OW! Yugh! [worming away sounds] Don’t try to struggle! You’re already DEAD! For each step you tread the poison shall strengthen its hold! Clawing and clawing! Until it finally takes its grip of your SOUL! AHahahahahahahahahahhhhh!!! VICTORY IS MI- WAAAAAAAaaaaaa!!! Ugh! That bird keep stealing my kills! Uh oh. Charmander, look! [sloppily] Ooooh~! Woah, when did you guys decide to plug in the rainbow men? He’s been poisoned. And it looks bad! Aah, he’s fine. He’ll walk it off. Charlie’s right! I’m…. I…I can- BLEEEEEEHHHHH!!! No no no no no. He can’t move from that spot. Every step he takes will just make it worse. WHAT? Ugh- Well he’s no good to us if he can’t move! We have to find him an antidote. No, guys, really! I’m fine! I can- BLUUUUUUUUuuuughhhh!!!! (cough couch) I’ve got it! We’ll raid a Pokemon Center! Those things have plenty of medicine! Ugh! There you go again with the brute force! You can’t just take whatever you want, ya
know! I probably can. There has to be a solution that doesn’t involve
robbery. Well, I’m open to better suggestions. ‘Scuse me, I uh…couldn’t help overhearing. If you’re looking for an antidote, I know a guy that has some poison-curing berries. Oh woah, really? Yep. He calls himself the Forest King. Lives in a giant yellow tree. Just head that way towards Celadon. You can’t miss it. See, Charmander? I knew there was a non-violent solution! Thank you, Mister Bird! Eh…whatever. [bird screech] STOP STEALING MY KILLS! [from far away] No! [sigh] Alright let’s go. That must be it. Ya think? Uh, excuse me, are you the YES! I am the noble Forest King! I am better than EVERY OTHER THING in this forest! Even better than the trees! Especially Andrew! [dramatic Andrew sound] I hate you, Andrew! You’re the worst tree! Now, what can I do for you forest peanuts? A little birdy told me you have a berry that
cures poison. Of course I do! I have all the berries that do every single thing! But I can’t just give it to you! You must first prove that you are worthy by completing the FOREST KING CHALLENGES! The what? The Forest King Challenges! A series of several foresty feats! Specially designed to prove your worth! And for every one you fail you must complete TWO MORE to make up for it. [whispering] Alright, you hold him down and I’ll stab him until he gives us the berry. WHAT? Charmander, come on! What happened the empathy? UUUUuuuuugghhh!! You’re right, you’re right. [sigh] Fine. We’ll do the stupid challenges. Excellent! Let the Forest King Challenges commence! Challenge number one! Find the best leaf! Wh- Ugh! What does that even mean!? Is it this one? No. Okay well…uh… What about this one? Nope. And you’ve used ALL TWO of your tries. CHALLENGE FAILED! Challenge number two! Forest Trivia! ahem Question number one! “How many trees are there?” Wh- Ya- Eh- Y- Ugh! Hold on. How many tries do we get for this question? Just one. And you used it. CHALLENGE FAILED! Alright, check this out. [sounds of effort] I can do that once every THREE MONTHS. Is this one of the challenges? No, I just wanted to show you guys that. That’s pretty cool, right? Uh… Yeah. Sure. HAH! I TRICKED YOU! It WAS one of the challenges! And you FAILED! Challenge FAILED. [angry growl] This is stupid. [Squirtle screaming] CHALLENGE FAILED! CHALLENGE FAILED! Challenge failed. Challenge failed~ ^_^ Challenge FAILED! Challenge failed. Challenge number twenty-seven. Find the greatest leaf! But we already- Hang on! I think I figured it out. It’s this one! That… Is correct! YES! But you took too long to figure it out. Challenge FAILED! [seething anger] AAAHH! I can’t take it anymore! Ah! What are you doing!? Charmander! Attack! What happened to empathy? Screw empathy! There’s a time and place for everything but not now! Kick his ass! Finally! Ah! OOooh! Aaaugh! Tell us where the berry is! Uh- um- uh uh uh I can’t! Y-you have to be worthy enough to AAaaaaAUAAAUAAAAHHH!!! YOU HAVE WASTED ENOUGH OF MY TIME! Tell us where it is RIGHT NOW!!! Ahh! No! Okay okay! There never was a berry! I was making it all up. I’m sorry. I’m… I’m not really King of the Forest I…I don’t even think that’s a real thing. I KNEW IT! AAAAaauuuuhhhh!!! Challenge failed. Now we’re doing what I’ve been waiting to
do this entire time! [fire, humans screaming] See? Sometimes the best solutions are the easiest
ones. I’m just glad Bulbasaur’s gonna be okay. Me too! And now I get to shove this in his mouth! That’s not how you [sigh] Hey guys! Did you find the berry? Bulbasaur!? How did you get here? Yeah, sorry, I got a little bored of waiting. But- you- uh- You look fine! OH that’s right! I keep forgetting! Bulbasaur’s half poison-type. He has an immunity! Yeah! Uh… Any chance we could find some more of that stuff? I really REALLY like the way it makes me feel! Well, we didn’t do all that for nothing. Hold him down. I’m giving it to him anyway. Giving what to me? [muffled sounds of oral shoving] It seems I may have underestimated his ruthlessness. So I’ll just have to have even LESS ruth! Ha ha ha ha ha. AHAHAHAHAA! [offscreen laughter] [the bird is also laughing] Ah poop. [SMACK!] Mhmmmhmmhmmm You’re only delaying the inevitable, you know. When Gaven wants something I make sure he gets it. When I want something I GET IT MYSELF! Hawhaaawww this is cute. You think you have a chance. [Gaven] Human hu! Huhahahahahaha! Desperate to go out suffering, I see. Alright, then. Attack me again, pre-‘vo. Let’s see what happens. How ’bout one of these? SQUIRTLE! Ppppffffft!!! Did you really think that would Huh? Yep. VINE WHIP! Aaah! [battle cry] AAAAAAHHH! WHAT!? DAAAAaaaaAAAAAHHHH!!! I got him! Squirtle! Bubble! Daaaah!!! You’re both DEAD! When we catch you, I’ll make sure you ROT in the BACK OF A PC! [Gaven] Hu! Bubble! Again! But- NOW! [Flareon attempting to bite] DDDAAAAAAHHHH!!! [cough] You can’t DO THIS! We almost got him! One more! [Flareon attempting to bite] Come on! Bubble! It’s [bite] my TURN! [bite] AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! What’re you waiting for! Aaaaghghghhuh!!! Damnit! Bulbasaur! Backup plan! Hi Gaven! Hu-? Huu….. HUUUMAAAAAAaaan! Gaven! Wait! Ah! L-let’s…let’s be reasonable here…. You can’t just take my ball and- NO! PLEASE! You win, okay!? YOU WON! I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever you want, just… I- I- I don’t… Just please don’t hurt me! PLEASE! Look what that human’s done to you! You can’t even defend yourself without being told what to do! You would’ve fought to the death for him, wouldn’t you? And at the first sign of danger, he leaves you! WAIT! Now you belong to no one! Get out of here! And don’t come back until you learn to fight for yourself! [bitter grumble] Wow! Excellent use of empathy, Charmander. I’m impressed. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Uh, well, I, uh… We had him right where we wanted and you just stood there! I just- I- uh y- you- and uh- WHAT!? [sigh] You’re really supposed to take turns attacking. AUGH! THIS AGAIN!? Where does that even come from!? That’s just how it is, Charmander! You’re supposed to fight that way! NO ONE tells ME how I’m SUPPOSED TO FIGHT! Well we can’t all be like YOU! Guys! Uh…didn’t we win? [both] SHUT UP, BULBASAUR! We can’t go on like this! What we’re doing is cheating! [glitched screaming] What we’re doing is winning! If we have to cheat to win then so be it! That’s not-! Ugh. Charmander, these rules exist for a reason. Yeah! So humans can enslave and control us! And I’d say it worked pretty well with your
last trainer. Okay, sure. He was terrible. But not every trainer is like that! Most of them actually know what they’re doing! Tch! TSSH!!! I can’t believe what I’m hearing! It’s like you want us to get caught! Well… “Well” what? Well, hear me out. Would it really be so bad if we were? Let’s be honest. If we stop trying to figure this out on our
own and just let a professional handle it for
us maybe we’d be a little better off! [building rage] AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I DO NOT NEED A HUMAN TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO! IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA SUPPORT THIS TEAM YOU CAN LEAVE! WaaaAAAgh!!! ABORT MISSION! ABORT! No! Stop! [in the distance] I’m soooorrryyyy!!! [in the distance] This was never worth the
riiiiisk! COWARDS! Yeah! Get back here and fight me! Oh well. You’ll have to do. Yeeiiey! Stay back, demon! You may be stronger than me but this Pokemon was trained to be the ultimate killing machine! Take another step forward and it shall be unleashed to wreak havoc upon the land! Well now I’m just curious. Hey, isn’t that the kid’s backpack? Yeah, wait! How did you get that!? Who are you!? WHAT!? You seriously don’t remember me!? Uh…Squirtle? Really, Charmander? Are you even paying attention? He looks like my hat! GGrrrRRRaaaauuhh!! Witness your demise, Lizard! Witness TRUE POWER! Hhauuah! Is that HIM!? Aaugh! No! I’m not ready! Whiskers, calm down. [Whiskers] Y- you said we’d have time to train! [Caterpie] Wh- Hey! Listen. [Whiskers] We were gonna, like, scope his
movements, find a weakness. [Caterpie] Wh- Okay stop! Listen to me! I- [Whiskers] Wha- I can’t do this yet! [Caterpie] Wh- Hey! Listen! [Whiskers] He’s totally gonna murder me
[Caterpie] Whiskers! [Whiskers] and I DON’T WANNA BE MURDERED TODAY! [Caterpie] Wh- Whiskers! Whiskers, listen to me! LISTEN! You. Are. Ready. We trained for this day. We have a plan. Remember the plan. The plan! Right. Okay. Yeah. Uhm…he- he doesn’t look so… M-m-murdery…[gulp] You can do it, Whiskers! KILL HIM! I can do this! I can totally do this! Use poison sting! Poison? HHHhhmmmnm MMAAaahhh!!! Ow! Aw man… I barely got any Oh wait, there it is. Aaaaaahhhhhh~ My turn! I DON’T WANNA DIE! Hey! Get back here! Hey…uh…. Stay back! I have…uh… Other monsters at my disposal that are just as ferocious as this one! [fire explosion] THIS WASN’T THE PLAN AT ALL! Listen. We’re not here to hurt you. We’re, uh, more civil than Charmander. [sloppily] It’s the truth, hat worm! You don’t have to worry! You’re made of butter! Everybody likes butter! Stop wearing my brother’s severed head! Okay, let’s calm down here. I know you’re mad about Charmander. But is killing him really going to solve anything? YES! Okay okay, sure. But then you’d be no better than him! Trust me. If you try to use force, you’re only gonna end up fueling the fire. What’re you saying? The only way you can win this is if you can change his attitude. Right now, he doesn’t even know who you are. Or care, for that matter. [Charmander] I’M GONNA KILL YOU! [Whiskers] Nooohooohooooo! But he can change! I mean… I already see it happening. And trust me, If you can get him to actually feel bad about what he’s doing, It’ll be way more satisfying for you. You- You’re not like him at all. Heh. No. I’m- I’m really not. Ah, then this’ll be way easier than I thought! Dyuh-! Hey! What do you think you’re doing!? Aaah!! Yes! I did it! I did the thing! [gasp] Fear not Lizard! We’ll be back to finish the job! You-! tuh- You can’t do that, you- Guh… Aaarrhhh! Don’t worry, buddy! Sometimes with the things you like- If you- if you like somethin’ the most You- If you- Some- you don’t even have- if you don’t do it at all! Shut-! Urrkkkhh! Shut up Bulbas- SsSssaaaaaghhh…. Welcome home, new recruit! Aw come on! Seriously! Ughh… Where am I? This is my personal gym. For years my people have cowered in the face of danger, too weak to fight back against our natural predators. But no more! Under my leadership, the Caterpie race has been transformed into an unstoppable army! Dduuuiuugh! HEEEELP!! Don’t give up, Leonard! I believe in you! So, what’s with the giant rocks? We don’t know how to move them. Now then. As of today, I am officially your new Pokemon trainer. And to solidify our bond, I will now give you a nickname. Henceforth, you shall be known as uhh… Bluey! Because you are blue! Please don’t call me that. You’re gonna love it here Bluey! The boss tells you exactly what to do so you don’t have to stress out about constant decision making! Plus, everyone really believes in each other! I believe in you, Whiskers! I BELIEVE IN YOU TOO!!! Are we really doing this? Make no mistake, Bluey. Unlike the Lizard, my training methods are focused and effective. I am prepared to work hard to make you a valuable asset to my team. Do you know how to leave? Well usually I just get in my ball and sometimes I wake up somewhere else. Huugh… I guess I don’t have a choice then. Nope! Prepare yourself, Bluey. This will be the most rigorous training of your entire life. And you will leave this place a different Pokemon! Before we begin, do you have any questions? Uhm…yeah. Um….so… Are you a boy or a girl? Whiskers. Poison sting Bluey. AAaaauuuuagh! Let us begin. Eeuugh… Uhhgg…. What’s going o- URGH! Aw jeez…uhhgh… Here, eat this. It cures poison. Ho…huh… Poison, huh? Wow, uhum… You’re- you’re lucky I found you. Well- u-uh- um- mhmm- I- I guess you’re the ones who found me because your friend Bulbasaur is the one who- Charmander! You’re up! Isn’t this place amazing!? These berries are the best things I’ve ever eaten! A- Th- There’s so many! And they’re all free! Well, technically they’re mine. Everyone just sort of takes them. Auhohohohoho You’ve gotta try the blue ones. They’re my favorite. SQUIRTLE! Auoh! We have to get him ba-! Dh- He’s-! y-! Where are we!? Oh! We’re in… Trees. Actually we’re north of Route Eight. That doesn’t help me! [sigh] Squirtle would know where that is. Urrrgh! Can’t believe I let this happen! Stupid! STUPID! Hey! Hey hey! Don’t beat yourself up. We all make mistakes. I actually think they can be pretty useful. You know? Um… They say, “Every mistake is an opportunity to learn something new and improve yourself!” What the hell are you supposed to be? I’m- I’m Sandshrew. Oh yeah, I don’t care. Tyuhh…okay, focus! Where would they take him? [eating sounds in the distance] Is that…? That BIRD! Oh, do you know him? ‘Cause uh, he- he’s here quite a lot. WHAT!? Yyeah… Do you think you can get him to Oh alright, you’re walking away. No, no, that’s fine. YOU! ‘Sup? Don’t “sup” me! You led us on a wild goose chase and you knew there were poison-curing berries here this WHOLE TIME! I did? HAH! I’m hilarious! Yeah, I wouldn’t listen to him. He- he’s um… Eh- He- ugh… He has-… [exhale] Nobody likes him. [whispering] Psst! Put this in your mouth! Okay! You-! Tttuhh…ffff…. Empathy empathy empathy…. Ttuh…Okay…Listen. You know those green worms we always hunt for food? Let me guess. One of them decided to bite back, and you’re here because it trained a Nidoran to poison you. How did you know that? Huh hah! See that’s the difference between you and me. I’m smart. [eating sounds] [mouth full] And unlike you, [swallow] I actually pay attention to what’s goin’ on around me! The same exact thing keeps happening to him. That’s why he keeps coming here. Hey. Tubby. Shut up! Sorry, I’ll stop talking. Well I don’t know about you, but I refuse to be pushed around by my food! Okay, cool. And so should you! Ugh, look. You and I, we’re predators. Maybe the worms can cheap shot us. But if we take them on together, they don’t stand a chance. I say we team up. Remind them who the prey is. Hmmph. Well, I am sick of eating just these berries. Eh. Alright. I’m game. Let’s do it. Awesome! So where are they? They nest in Viridian Forest. It’s about three clicks that way. That way, huh? Yep. Alright, in that case We’re going THIS way! Come on, Bulbasaur. W-wait. No! I was being serious this time! [from afar] Don’t care! You suck! [grumbling] [Sandshrew giggles softly] What was that!? AH! Oh! No no, nothing! I’m somewhere else now! Yeah, you BE somewhere else! [chomp, chew] [spooky ghost music] Damn it! I can’t believe I thought that would work. We’re never gonna find him like this. Hey I know! Let’s ask around. Maybe someone’s seen him nearby. How would- Egh- No. We’re not gonna do that. Aw, okay. Dyh- Tuhh- See, that’s your problem, Bulbasaur! Squirtle at least knows how to stand up to me. You just go along with everything I say! Tha- That’s not true! Yes it is! Yeah, you’re right. It probably is. And now we’re just gonna keep wandering around because we don’t have ANY OTHER STRATEGIES! [ghost whoosh] [hypnotically] Maybe we should go into that
tower. [in a trance] Maybe we should go into that
tower. The tower? Why? If we climb to the top we’ll have a better view of where we are. If we climb to the top we’ll have a better view of where we are. You know, you really should come up with your own ideas rather than letting ghosts tell you what to do. Huh? Awh- Ju- It’s not a bad idea, though. Maybe we could get a better vantage point
from up there. The hell is this supposed to be? Huh. It looks like they want us to walk around some kind of maze. Or we could just ya know… walk between them. Which is what I’m gonna do. BLEH! Aah! Dy- BLAAH! I think this whole place was built just to scare you. [muffled roaring] I’m enjoying it so far. Of course you are. What the- Does every floor look exactly the same? No wait, look! The maze pattern looks slightly different
this time! That’s stupid. BLEH! See? Doesn’t work. I expected it that time. Hey Mister Ball! Have you seen our friend Squirtle around? [less muffled roaring] Ooooo real spooky, tower! Got any other tricks? Or at least different noises? Or are you just gonna keep doing the same thing over and Well, that’s different. AAaaaghhh!!! I’m not having as much fun anymore! Oh please. Someone’s just trying to scare us away. But- tuh- B-bu- buyii- But ta- And if they don’t want us here, that makes me want to be here even more! Nobody tells me where I can’t be! Djuh… Dddjjeeh…. Huh… AAAAAHHH! DdYaaAAAAaaaAAAhHHH!!! I don’t buy it. It’s like they’re trying way too hard. But di- da- but- eh- Yuhh- But-… But it- Come on, Bulbasaur. If someone wanted us dead, they would just kill us. They wouldn’t tell us they were gonna do it. [panicked babbling] Besides, it was your idea to come here in the first place. And if you’re gonna suggest something like
that you’d better stick to it. [struggling to breathe] [heavy monster breathing] AAAaaaah!!!! No! No no no! [ROAR] No no no! Stop! STOP! AAAAAHHH!! [CRUNCH] AAaaaaahh!! [CRUNCH] [ROOOOOAAAAR] DuAAAAAaaaaAAAaaaahhh!!!!! [ROAR] [Dramatic battle music] No no no no no no no no. Stop. Stop. What is THIS? Huh. I knew it wasn’t real. No no no NO! No changing the subject. You answer me. What. Did you think THIS would do? I…I was attacking you. I was a giant demon. You literally saw me EAT YOU. Did you think THIS would work? Well it worked better than I thought it would. Ugh. [inhale] If this were a REAL scenario you would’ve died. But it wasn’t. So it doesn’t matter. Now are you gonna attack me or what? [maniacal laughter] You arrogant child. I’ve already begun my attack. The moment you crossed into this domain, you sealed your fate. Do you know what it means to be afraid? Do you understand your own fears? You will. And you won’t know anything else. Because I don’t create the fear. I AM THE FEAR. [demon laughter] The hell was that? Whatever. Come on Bulbasa- Aw damn it. Bulbasaur! You can come back up! Told you it was just a …wait. Gyuh- That wasn’t… Dyuh- hu- Wait! [exhale] [dramatic tension music] BLAH! AAugh! Jeez! Aaaahhh! Huuhhh! Really!? Ah- ugh- REALLY!? ugh… Well congratulations! You scared me or whatever! First of all, that wasn’t me. I was setting up tension before SOMEONE decided to be RUDE! Blagh! Second, that wasn’t scary. That was startling. Wha-? WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE!? There is a HUGE and IMPORTANT difference! BLAAH! By the way, this is what you turn into after
you die. That thought alone should existentially cripple
you. I don’t care about ANY OF THIS! Take me to the top of this tower! Uuugh! Simpleton! You can’t just CLIMB the tower! You have to… EXPERIENCE the tower! RRrrrragh! [poof] Hey Charmander! So..did you defeat the monster? [sigh] Yeah, sure. Why not? Let’s just keep going. [tree burning, tombstones weeping] [sad weeping] [burning sounds] [in tree language] eEErT~a~ToN~mA~i~!!!! [sigh] Maybe coming in here was a mistake. N-No… No! OH NO! What? Don’t you see? We’re already dead. That ghost killed us and we didn’t even realize it. Now we’re trapped here. Doomed to walk the same paths for the rest of our eternities! The ghost didn’t just take our lives, he took our SOULS! LLLllllaaaauuuuuuuuuugggghhhhh….. Yeah, you’re not Bulbasaur. Okay, fine. I may not be Bulbasaur. But where IS Bulbasaur? And for that matter… Where are you? Well wherever I am, it’s not scary. Are you…sure about that? [stool laughing] That stool over there is laughing at me. Why would that scare me? But WHY is the stool laughing at you? You’re not very funny. Why would it be laughing at YOU? [stool laughs harder] [both laughing] Charmander, I don’t know if I wanna- Oh wait, nevermind. I like this room. [Bulbasaur laughs with the stool] Maybe I’m overthinking this one. I’m not accustomed to working with the DULL. Oh hey! You’re the ghost from my idea! Have you seen our friend Squirtle? He’s blue and he has a shell and he [imitating Squirtle] talks like this! It’s no use, Bulbasaur. He doesn’t want to help us. He’s just trying to scare us for some dumb
reason. The only one who really wanted to help was
Squirtle. Now he’s gone. [sigh] I spent so much time trying to shut him up. But Squirtle actually knew how to solve our
problems. We can’t do this without him. Cheer up, friend! For it is I, Squirtle! Let us continue our adventures together! AH! Dpdah-! OW! OW!!! That’s not even close to what he looks like! You’re supposed to engage with it! Part of the horror experience is suspension of disbelief! Tkk- Okay, fine! uh uhh- [mockingly] AAAhhh!! Oh! A spooky spooky ghost! Aaah! Noooo! Happy? BLEH! Aaaaah!!! [frustrated sounds] Heh heh heh heh heh. I’m havin’ a pretty good day so far. You are by FAR the most TASTELESS and UNPLEASANT individuals that I have EVER had the dissatisfaction of dealing with! Excuse me!? All I wanted to do was climb the tower! You’re the one insisting on doing this spooky dooky haunted house crap! I have REAL enemies that are trying to KILL me! All you’re doing is pretending! And none of it is scary because none of it is REAL! [GLITCHED SCREAMING] Okay, look. It’s- it’s not working. Just…tell me what I have to do. It’s… It’s beautiful! 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101101 01110101
01100011 01101000 00100000 01110000 01100001 01101001 01101110 It’s so perfect! A statement on the existential dread of our binary existence! Horror expressed via the pure agony of BEING in a simulated reality where being itself is completely meaningless! AAAAAAaaaauuuuuaaUUU1101111!!!1111 01100001 01110001 01110101 01101001 01110010
01100101 01100100 I’m done. I’m not gonna humor this anymore. I have had enough of your tricks! Either fight me or leave me alone! Uh, Charmander… I tried empathy! I went along with your… spooky thing or whatever. So now it’s your turn. 01110111 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010
01100101 You’re a Pokemon just like me! And Pokemon FIGHT! So FIGHT ME! 01101001 00100000 01100001 01101101 COME ON! FIGHT ME!!! DO NOT TOUCH THAT! Hhhurrh! RaaAAAhh!! Back beast! BACK! CRAWL BACK INTO THE NOTHINGNESS FROM WHENCE YOU CAME! HRRHH HRHH HURHHH! RAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAHHH!!!!! 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110011 01101001
01101110 01100111 Ughh…. YOU! [choking] Do you have ANY IDEA what you’ve done? Your actions have DOOMED US ALL! [choking] Ohhhh…. You’re incredibly lucky that I don’t have
the time. If I did I would make you SUFFER! I’d let you feel all the PAIN and BURDEN you’ve loaded onto me! Do you enjoy SLEEPING? I know I USED TO!!! [Bulbasaur] Excuse me, Mister Floating Guy… I know you’re busy choking my friend and all but I was wondering if you’d seen my other friend Squirtle around. We lost him, and… Du- I- I- I mean, I guess we’re kinda lost too. [sigh] [Charmander catches breath] You know what? You created this mess. It should be your responsibility to clean
it up. Come here. Viridian Forest. The third starter is located at this spot
exactly. Wh- w- where is he? I suppose he’s… Down. Underground. So dig downwards until you find him then come find me. [cough] Why didn’t you just take us underground? TELEPORTATION IS AN EXTREMELY RISKY I don’t have time for this. YOU. DIG. NOW! AAAHH! OKAY! Cerulean Cave. You got that? I’ll be in Cerulean Cave. Come back and find me there. Cerulean. Cave. And if you see ANYTHING that doesn’t look REAL, do NOT touch it! Well, whatever that was, it finally gave me a straight answer. That’s all I needed to hear. Let’s go! Charmander, wait. Do we really just want to go along with this? I mean… We don’t know what’s down there. Maybe instead of just following whatever the Stop! Stop talking. It doesn’t matter what you’re about to say. As soon as you’re finished talking you’re gonna go in anyway. Oh and look! You are finished talking. So go. Daaww, okay! Squirtle… You’d better be in there.

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